Why The Chicken
Crossed the Road!
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road
or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us.
There is no middle ground here
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the
chicken crossing the road represented the application of these
two different functions of government in a new, reinvented
way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER:
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had
been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken
did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the
road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling
SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet
it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll
bet someone out there is already forming a support group to
help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe
this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens
crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when
I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the
government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
JERRY FALWELL ;
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people
see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was
going to the "other side." That's what they call
it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.
And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say
we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination
that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've
not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY ;
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross
roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that
was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening
to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and
went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the
road.
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
VOLTAIRE:
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend
to the death its right to do it.
RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?
CAPTAIN KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER ;
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more
chickens have to cross before you believe it?
SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed
the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable
part of eChicken.
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going.
I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird
gave me any insider information.
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON ;
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean
by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed
the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?
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